A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.

The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?”

The second man replies, “No, you can have it if you want.”

So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

About halfway through the bowl, he’s chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

The second man looks at him and says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got too.”



So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said “Yes ma’am.” She said “Oh honey, you don’t have to call me ma’am, I’m not that old.” I said “Okay, thanks bitch.”



Man asking waitress, " Pardon me miss may I ask you about the menu please?" Waitress, “It’s none of your business about the men I please!”



Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the bill.



Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the check.


Tim van den Eng

So I was sitting at a bar right, That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that’s the story about how I met your mother.



Q: where does a one legged waitress work A: IHOP



5 people went to a store the ask for a menu”the waitress said”I will be right back.