Toddler jokes
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
What's the difference between a pool and a toddler?
One doesn't scream when you go in dry ;)
Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of toddlers.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
Who wants to see me rape a toddler?
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Trying to make a baby talk is like trying to negotiate with North Korea.
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Prince/Lord Tallie: Leave Gwen alone for once! By the way, you are an idiot!
Gwen: The Prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD, AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!
Prince/Lord Tallie: Oh, don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late-night talk? My Wi-Fi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘
Gwen: Oh, thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!
Tanner: Fuck off.
Kenya Bailey: Excuse me?
Gwen: Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast, and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?
Zre: Who the hell is Tanner?
Ha: Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!
Kenya Bailey: Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes.
Ha: Yes, you're right.
Zre: Ok.
Zre: Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this is your toddler's toy! Even though I thought I was a prince.
Gwen: I thought Prince was dead, so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Why did the African 3 year old cry?
He was having a midlife crisis.
Mommy kisses my butt.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.