Heaven is like university, no one get in
No-inappropriate-jokes
My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology. Then I unplugged his life support. :)
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry
Theres an outbreak of the foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke
People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”
I got kicked out of a library because i put a book about women's rights into the fantasy section
Your moms so fat she doesn’t need internet, she’s already world wide
I was at school when i remembered i forgot my necklace then i screamed out, "SHIT I FORGOT GRANDPA."