Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Humor
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.
"Hey, how do I look?"
"With your eyes, Joe."
I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.
I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA, the other is USB. 😂😂😂
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Chode.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"
Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"
What is black, white, and red all over?
My third wife.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
