Humor

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.

You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”

Chode.

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

People wonder why our generation grew up so sarcastic.

"Hey, how do I look?"

"With your eyes, Joe."

What do you call a laughing motorcycle?

A Yamahahahaha!

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

What day does Venus like?

SATURNday.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

I'm about to go to the orphanage to tell yo mama jokes.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!

Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.

I have a daily routine where I take a crap every morning at 6 AM, but wake up at 7 AM. And it's not even a joke.

Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.