englishcm

Man walks in to his bedroom where his wish is carrying a sheep under his arm and says this is the pig I've been fucking.wife says that's not a pig that's a sheep dumbass.husband says I was talking to the sheep

A girls pussy is a muff and when we have something against or mouths they say our voice is muffled so do I think the origin of the word muffled is talking while eating muff

Farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm says this is the pig I'm fucking she say u idiot that's a sheep he says shut up I wasn't talking to you

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great either

What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rappiest with erectile disfunction

Man goes to a doctor says he's having problems shitting so the doctor gives him so enama and says he needs to do it a few times at home but does the first one for him so the guy bends over the table lubs him up and shoves it deep in him and he yells. so later the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enama so he bends over she lubs him up puts a hand on his shouler and she shoves it up there and he starts screaming and cussing and the wife asks did I hurt u? He said no I just realized when the doctor did it he had both hands on my shoulders

What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama

I know the voices in my head aren't real but man so they have some good ideas

I finally stopped drinking for good

Now I purely drink for evil

How is sports like regular life for orphans?they don't get picked for either

Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations

Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents

What do Jesus and I have in common? No one knows my real bday either

Official orgasm donor

How does Jesus whistle? bye s blowing through the holes in is hands

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful like cyanide

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence

What is Mozart doing right now ?

Decomposing