Humor
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.
What happens when a depressed kid try’s to high-five a tree?
The tree leaves them hanging.
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
What do you call an Indian babysitter?
Nanny.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
My eggcellent egg yolks crack everyone up.
If you don't like them, you're just hard boiled.
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.