Humor
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?
Because she had a make-up exam.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
Let me tell you how I escaped Iraq. Iran! (;)
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.
Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭