Fire jokes
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
can fire catch on fire?
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
What is the difference between me and a fire?
It's hot.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.