Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.
What do you call a redneck on fire?
A fire cracker.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
Why did the little girl's ice cream melt?
She was on fire.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
