Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Fire Jokes
There are some sounds that everyone loves…
- Shoes on gravel
- Crackling of fire
- The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
- Cats purring
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Many soles were lost.
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
Hey God what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire
sounds like a match made in heaven
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home there were signs everywhere
What do you call Stephen HAawking on fire
Hot wheels
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? – Steven Hawking after a house fire.
yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s
What do you call a red neck on fire. A fire cracker
On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.