Q: why do depressed people alway have colored hair?

A: that’s as close they can get to die

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick, she said shut the fuck up and keep digging

I got a roommate, he killed a butterfly and I said no butter for a week, the next day he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch nice try

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer

Q:What’s the difference between black panther and Batman?

A: Batman “returns”

Q: what’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf hitler?

A: One got to finish a race

How do you know your acne is getting out of hand?

The blind start reading your face