I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
Mynutzzhurtfromlaughing
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Q: What’s the difference between Black Panther and Batman?
A: Batman “returns.”
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
How do you know your acne is getting out of hand? The blind start reading your face.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?
Are you ready kids?🤣