Wife

Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

Wife

Anonymous

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Cat

littletank

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok…anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!

Robber

Big Boss Tom

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, “you forgot the remote”

Light

Anonymous

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

Fire

Big Boss Tom

yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s

Heaven

Anonymous

what did the angel say when it went to heaven? well halo there!

Cloud

ANONYMOOOOOOOSE

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear

Hell

Daniel King

How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?

They boil the hell out of it.

Legs

ethan

[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope

Wife

super

two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive

Knock knock

Avery

Knock knock! Who’s there? Heaven. Heaven who? Heaven fun over there?

Log

(Optional)

[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes…? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH

Prostitution

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Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, “2 years, 2 side-hoes.” She got an old lexus. The second lady says, “10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute.” She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, “Fck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, “I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse.” “How!?” The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a dck!”

Make

ethan

[God creating bees] God: putt a needel on their butt Angel: come on god wha- God: make its puke delicious Angel: wtf

Puns

I'm a angel

I don’t have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

Means

(Optional)

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

Girl

Beebo

This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”

Night

mooslim

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Face

Anonymous

God:(creating elephants) Make it big Angel:How big? God:As big as my d- Angel: Whoa God:Fine 10 feet tall Angel: That’s big bu- God: Put a long thing on it’s face

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