Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".
The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".
The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"
[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
what did the angel say when it went to heaven? well halo there!
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "you forgot the remote"
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes...? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH
Kid: Mom! You lied to me! Mom: when? Kid: you told me that my little brother was an Angel! Mom: Sooo? Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony? Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
God: “Steven join us” *sees the staircase to heaven* Steven: “shit”
You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun, and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
(wow two pregnancy jokes in a row)
Knock knock! Who's there? Heaven. Heaven who? Heaven fun over there?
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
