By using this site, you agree to its use of cookies. Read more

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope

yo mama so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok…anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, “you forgot the remote”

[God creating bees] God: putt a needel on their butt Angel: come on god wha- God: make its puke delicious Angel: wtf

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear

I don’t have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

two husbands walk into a bar the first one says my wife is an angel the second one says your lucky mine is still alive

God:(creating elephants) Make it big Angel:How big? God:As big as my d- Angel: Whoa God:Fine 10 feet tall Angel: That’s big bu- God: Put a long thing on it’s face

This guy is boiling water the girl walks in and says “What are you doing” the guy says “I’m making Holy Water” She said “How?” He said “I’m boiling the hell out of it”

You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

why did gram-pa pass out because of diebetes

what did the angel say when it went to heaven? well halo there!

Mary is hanging out and the angel Gabriel descends behind her and she looks behind her and says Jesus Christ and the angel Gabriel said so you already know

Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner." The first lady says, “2 years, 2 side-hoes.” She got an old lexus. The second lady says, “10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute.” She got a Mercedes-Benz. The third lady says, "I never had a husband." The angel says in response, “Fck me and then you can have a lambo." They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying. The first lady says, “I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse.” “How!?” The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a dck!”

Knock knock! Who’s there? Heaven. Heaven who? Heaven fun over there?

[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes…? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH