Humor
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.
What show do gay men watch?
"2 and a Half Men!"
Lol at this one fellas!
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
Bro, WW2 was just a joke.
Why can’t baby ducks lay eggs? Because their quacks are too small.
"Knock knock."
"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
There are 25 letters in the alphabet, and yet I don't know why.