Humor

Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

Wanna hear a racist joke?...

Donald Trump.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

I ran out of bras, so I wore...

My grandma's underpants!

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?

Because it got everybody's pokes!

What's a cannibal's favorite snack?

Men toes! 😂🤣

Dark humour : hell!!! Aren't people racist!!!

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

"Please get out of the pool."

What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy? Deer balls. They're under a buck.

Why do orphans like belts?

They remind them of their father.

You might think these jokes are plane.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?

A: Jew-Osco

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.