Toilet Paper jokes

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger lickin' good!

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.

It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."

How can toilet paper decorate your house?

Shit sticks everywhere.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it was stuck in a crack.

Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

So you're the one!

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It was on a roll.

Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

What did the poo say to the fart:

You blow me away!

What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!