Toilet Paper jokes
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?
"I got stuck in a butt crack!"
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To wipe the chicken's ass!
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."
Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
Why did the toilet paper get to the bottom of the hill?
Because he went down the drain! - it's a bad joke, lmao.
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."