Toilet Paper

Toilet Paper Jokes

People

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?

When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.

  • 5
  • Hand

    I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

  • 0
  • Shit

    Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

    When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

  • 3
  • Tip

    Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

  • 2
  • Pants

    It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

  • 0
  • Enterprise

    What does the starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?

    Answer: They both circle Ur-Anus looking for Kling-Ons!

    Rock

    I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.

  • 0
  • Piece

    What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."

  • 2
  • Road

    Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

    Because it was stuck in a crack.

  • 0
  • Difference

    Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

    So you're the one!

  • 3
  • Time

    Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.

  • 0
  • Recycling

    When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

    Woman

    Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

  • 0
  • Star Trek

    What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

    Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!