I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
Me: Man I wish my clothes were emo. Friend:Why? Me:so they would hang themselves
A little girl beinng Girl: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"
Priest: "What did you do Child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, "You can have anything you want.""
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
My arms are just a diffrent texture pack compared to my body.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a badly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth, it's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet
My wife accused me of being a cross dresser so i packed up her clothes and left
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes and multiples with the whole classroom.
do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
What’s the German word for BRA? Keeptwofromfloppin.
What does a house wear? a-dress
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
