Saw

MajorOstrich

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

Computer

Anonymous

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Kid

Anonymous

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

Legs

Anonymous

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Girl

Whoozy Guy87

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Nun

Anonymous

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit”

Rag

Anonymous

The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display. Mr. Rodger’s sweater, Jerry Seinfelt’s puffy shirt and Stephen Hawking’s drool rag.

Depression

Anonymous

What do my cloths and a depressed person not have in common?

My cloths don’t hang themselves…

Name

jimmidy cricket

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

Puns

Anonymous

What kind of clothing should you wear on “ hump day”? Camelflouge.

Star

Anonymous

Where do sith get their clothes? At the Darth Maul!

Puns

Sans

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable -

but I never realized they suited me

Fridge

Brad

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the fridge.

Taken from www.keeplaughingforever.com

Local

CHUCK

I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

The sign on their gate says: “Clothed Until Further Notice.”

Friend

CHUCK

My friend wasn’t open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.

I told him to stop being so clothes minded

Wear

Dad

Lesbians and blind women, wear the same clothes

Fat

Anonymous

Yo mama’s so fat she irons her clothes on the driveway

Girl

J0K35

So I came across a guy who was carrying a ton of clothing and makeup

And I asked him what he is doing

Guy: Some kawaii girl told me if i bought and brought her this crap, she would let me play with her tits

Me: Erm…Are you a simp?

Two minutes later, the guy arrived at Kawaii Girl’s house

KG: You have it?

Guy: Yup, now can I play with them

KG: Sure!

KG then went to her room.

Guy: Ohhhh, I know what your going to do. Your gonna call me over and you will be-

KG then held a bird cage with two birds in it

KG: Have fun playing with them!

Guy: WHAT THE FU-

Candy

Anonymous

Why is the candy’s clothes in the studio??

Because it’s a wrapper

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire (A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? no? I’m lonely. add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

Loading...