Health jokes
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
My anus smells.
Depression sucks, and so do you.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"
What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
Breaking news: Man with Alzheimer's forgets he's blind and recovers from visual impairment.
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?
I’m Zaptos intolerant!
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.