Health jokes
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
Technoblade should have drank milk. Would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
What meds do snakes with ADHD take?
Adder-all.
Memes
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!