Health jokes
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...
"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Gina: Maryen? Karlya? Amber? Kristie? Why isn't it listed that she's here?
Zari: Your sister isn't listed in the meantime, just relax.
Gina: That still doesn't answer why she's not listed. I want her to see me!
Zari: Anyway, it will be time for your medications, we have the gixen and the Uiasends.
Gina: Do you know my sister's name?
Zari: Yes. Her name is Jalien.
Gina: Fine, I don't care!!!
In the year 2020, who were the biggest enemies?
Coronavirus and toilet paper.
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.
The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭