Habit jokes

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you.

Go on the quintillionaire morning routine now!

1. Wake up. 2. Take a shit. 3. Eat. 4. Get out of bed. 5. Have breakfast.

He: "Do you smoke after sex?"

She: "I don't know. I've never looked."

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.

The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"