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The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke? Yours.

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back. ANDI still didn’t get my F...ING CIGARETTES.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes. Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.