Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I like my women how I like my cigarettes. Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself thinking it’s a cigarette.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.
Little Johnny was staying at his grandparents house and he asked his grampa can I a cigarette and his grampa said well can your dick touch your asshole he said no. Then that's your answer. A little bit later little Johnny asked for a beer his grampa said well can you dick touch your asshole he said a I already said no. Well that your. Later he was complaining to his grandma and she him cookies. His grandpa came up to him and said can I have a cookie little Johnny said well can your dick touch your asshole his grampa said well yes it can and little Johnny said well go fuck yourself old man because these are my cookies.
How is smoking similar to oral sex? The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
He: "Do you smoke after sex?"
She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke? Yours.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic
Plus she's too young to smoke
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette he will be warm for a short time, But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage, and sees Dad smoking a cigarette... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...
About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage, and sees his Dad drinking a beer... He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer??" Dad asks, "Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, No Dad, my dick can't reach my ass"... His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house...
About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a BIG plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven... His Dad says, "WOW Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies... You think I can have some??" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass??" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment... He then replies, "Well, Yes Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass"... Little Johnny says, "Well Dad, you can go FUKC yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"...
If she’s old enough to smoke She’s old enough to choke If she’s old enough to pee She’s old enough for me
what do fish smoke? a puffer
