mr tinted

Registered on · No followers yet · Last active 3 years ago

you know that feeling when your going throught a school parking lot and go over a speed bump then you realize that there are no speed bumps

i really wasnt planning on going for a run today, but damn those cops came put of nowhere’s

do you ever get that feeling where your just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots

yall really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! god.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

why did the orphan have to eat his cereal with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk

This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.