Health jokes
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
Memes
Me after hearing
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
Technoblade should have drank milk. Would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
I got in trouble at school today because I told the teacher at school with COVID to stay positive.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)