Health jokes
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Official orgasm donor.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
A man walks into a bar... Oww!
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.