Health jokes
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?
Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
What do you call a hung autist...
Dead.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
What is a part of a vegetable you can't eat?
The wheelchair.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.