Health jokes
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump?
A: Erection fraud. (Just a joke.)
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:
Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.
But you gotta eat it!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.
Orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
My anus smells.
Depression sucks, and so do you.
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.