Health jokes

I got a great corona virus joke, but you wouldn’t get it.

What did the nose say to the finger?

"Stop picking me!"

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

What do kids call a balanced meal?

A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD

I think I gave you the coronavirus because I can't stop staring, a-choo!

What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?

Dairy free.

What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

How did the other 18 COVIDs go unnoticed?

I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

What was the winning play at the leper football game?

A hand off up the middle.

I just found out I'm colorblind!

The diagnosis came completely out of the orange!

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!

Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.