Health jokes

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

I have nut cancer...

What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?

He flew up!

Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad did not beat cancer.

Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.

Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.

If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,

Try salad 🥗.

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

He could feel it in his bones!

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"