Health jokes
Your mum so fat she's diabetic... LOL
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
Time heals all wounds. Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
lmfao true
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
Why can't orphans smoke?
They don't have parents ._.
Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
(pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club -
"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump... what the fuck up with that dude, man?
"Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas!)
. . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for bein' fucked up, for instance ....
STUMP: TEENY DICK
BUMP: TINY TIT
GUMP: DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP: A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP: IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP: OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP: AN ASS
DUMP: A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP: SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP: SEE "HUMP"
. . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP: JUMP INTO A DEEP VAT 'O SCAT MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL BITCH!! ....
HA! HA! HA! HA! YESSS!!
.... well boys and girls, that's gonna be about it for me, as I think my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a big turn for the worse!"
......(splort!, plop!, drip!)........ OOOOPS! 'snif, snif'........
..... ewwwwww!!
(audience growing uneasy and unruly)
"Fuhhk! ... I better go now, 'cause I just went! ... ha! ha! ha! ...... Yikes!!
GOOD NIGHT LAZIES, AND GERBILMEN! PLEASE DRIVE RECKLESSLY!
(curtain drops)
(continuous laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants peeing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', fists fuckin', guns poppin', blood pumpin')
"OH LORDY!!... I THINK HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH,
... AND ARMAGITTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(one very quick curtain call, and swiftly out the back door to an awaiting taxi ............ with ALL the windows rolled down) Whew! ............ Amen.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.