Health jokes
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Memes
Your life is a lie
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
Cancer doesn't leave.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD