Health jokes
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.
Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.
My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
You know why women wear tampons?
So the crabs could bungee jump!
Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
I have nut cancer...
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?