Health jokes

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,

Try salad 🥗.

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

Yo mama so dumb, she studied for a COVID test.

What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.

Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

I have nut cancer...

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

What's the difference between my dad and cancer?

Cancer doesn't leave.

What do you get when you gobble down sweets?

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad did not beat cancer.

What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?

He flew up!