Health jokes
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
What day should you drink water?
Thursday, Thirstday!
If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.