Health jokes
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Have you seen the movie "Constipation"?
It hasn't come out yet.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
Let me know what your results are!
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.
Still waiting on an answer.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.