Health jokes
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why download Fruit Ninja when you have your arm?
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!