Health jokes
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
Why did the autistic kid walk across a busy road?
He was chasing his mind and got hit by a car.
Memes
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
Leukophobic people don’t have sex. Leukophobia is the fear of white.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What was I saying again?
What's bad? A nut allergy.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"