Health jokes
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.
I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!
Zion's so fat, when he walks, he breaks his mama's back.
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
What do Africans eat for breakfast?
E-bola Cornflakes.
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.