Health jokes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
"SpaStics on aplastic. Add me on ps4 SpaZZagaZZa54."
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
What's green and has a thousand nipples?
A garbage bag in the alley behind a breast cancer clinic.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"