Health jokes
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun....
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What's bad? A nut allergy.
What's the difference between broccoli and a booger?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
What do you call a crappy circumcision?
A rip-off.
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!