The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Health Jokes
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
Leukophobic people don’t have sex. Leukophobia is the fear of white.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
What was I saying again?
What's bad? A nut allergy.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
What do squats eat? Numbers.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he broke his leg?
Hospital or Currys PC World?
