There are some sounds that everyone loves…

• Shoes on gravel
• Crackling of fire
• The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
• Cats purring

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok…anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!

Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

I ran over neighbors cat last night and I just want to say… THAT THING WAS FAST! I had run a red light to get it!

why did the cat meow because its a cat,And they meow

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house? A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sht was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He BNED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

How do you know cat’s don’t always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

How do you make a cat go “woof”? … douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! “woof!”

Curiousity killed the cat. But for a while I was a suspect

Two cats called ‘1,2,3’ & ‘un,deux,trois’ had a swimming race across the channel. 1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he’s seen your cat

what has two legs and is red all over?

half a cat

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer : Chi-ca-go

There are 50 dogs and 48 cats. How many are hungry?

A.10

If a cat hits you with her tail is it considered being p.... whipped?