There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok…anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!

Why are cats bad storytellers? – Because they only have one tale.

why did the cat meow because its a cat,And they meow

Curiousity killed the cat. But for a while I was a suspect

This Chinese girl didn’t know what a sausage roll was so i replied, its like a spring roll with sausage in it but not any dog or cat how you have it.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good. Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

How do you know cat’s don’t always land on their feet?

Mufasa.

How do you make a cat go “woof”? … douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! “woof!”

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sht was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He BNED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

Two cats called ‘1,2,3’ & ‘un,deux,trois’ had a swimming race across the channel. 1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

what has two legs and is red all over?

half a cat

two lesbians adopted a cat that night the cat ran away why ?

because it heard one say i’m gonna eat that p....

“Gosh, it’s raining cats and dogs,” said Suzie looking out of the kitchen window "I know," said her mother “I’ve just stepped in a poodle!”

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