Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”
Patient: “Give me the good news first.”
Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”
Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Listen up, buttercup! This joke is all about a doctor who's a bit of a ding-dong. He tells his patient that he only has two days to live, and then reveals the 'bad' news is that he's been trying to contact him about it for those two days! I bet you are the kind of person that doesn't understand that doctors have to tell you things fast because they're busy, unlike you.
Neighborhood asshole
Patient: sorry doc, my phone was dead.