Health jokes
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
My bum hurts.
A common question I get as a doctor is, do vaccines cause autism? Well!, I was vaccinated, so.....
What do you call cancers? Loyal, protective, and caring.
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
What type of implants are at a Chinese dentist office? Buck teeth implants.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."