Health jokes
Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.
I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My father didn’t beat cancer.
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
Hands down, syndromes are bad.
Why did the moderator of worstjokesever.com die?
He had a heart attack because he was a fat loser.
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
Jamal had 75 candy bars. He ate 65. What does he have now?
Diabetes.