Health jokes

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

A vegetable rack.

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

I'm jealous of cancer. My dad beat me but never beat cancer.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

Cancer is like a video game.

Some people cannot beat it.

I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

"You is so black your mama fainted."

Keep rolling your eyes and maybe you'll find a brain back there.

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

Carys’s mum has chemo.

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Why did the fish go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling “eel.”

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.