Health jokes
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.