Health jokes
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
Keep yourself safe!
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Yo mama so fat when someone asked her to touch her chin, she asked, "Which one?"
Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.
Yo mama is such a creep; she thought PTSD stood for "Please Touch Small Dicks."
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.