Health jokes
Q: What is found deep inside of us, and the more we express our love for each other the more it spreads throughout the world?
A: Covid.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.
Memes
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!