Health jokes
Why is the orphan happy when he wakes up from a coma?
Because there is a family reunion.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?
Organ harvesting.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.