Health jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
What is big and long and hard?
A cucumber!
You're so fat, that you're fat.
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
You're so fat, you drank an invisibility potion, and everyone could still see you!
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Yo mama so fat, when she decides to workout, the stock market goes bankrupt.
I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.
I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!