Health jokes
I'm always forgetting these kinds of jokes. I also forgot my son's name.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? Because they don’t get homesick.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
"You is so black your mama fainted."
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!