Herpes jokes

What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

What's the difference between a plane and a woman?

At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!