The 400+ Best God Jokes

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Daughter: Dad

Dad: Yes honey

Daughter: Im Lesbian

Dad: Ok

Daughter 2: Dad

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: Im lesbian too

Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here

Son: I do...

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

[God creating spiders] God: make it have 8 legs Angel: ok? bit excessive but ok God: and 8 eyes Angel: You need to calm down and li- God: give it a butt rope

A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.

pepole in 1912: titanic is unstopable even god coudlnt sink this ship. god: bet where is my icebergs

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Why are Egyptian gods orphans Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a-new-bus) every year to make a prophet

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself and his friend says "Find jesus instead he'll help you!" and than the man says "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist".