God jokes
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."