Infection jokes
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...