High

Daddy Jack

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son

Girl

Anonymous

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

Girlfriend

Anonymous

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

High

Anonymous

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair

Body

ImAPerson

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Fish

Anonymous

What do you call a fish that smokes? “A puffer.”

Little Johnny

Anonymous

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself

Wife

The Escaped Cancer Cell

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

Day

D.A.D. Jokes

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000" But that’s not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

Cow

Abhor

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards… The steaks were pretty high

High

Ruby

When a miget smokes weed do they get high or medium

Shooting

dontask

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar. “May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.

The grandpa replies “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”

Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.

The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.

“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.

“Does your dick touch your asshole?”

“No.”

The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.

“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.

“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”

“Yep.”

“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”

Potato

Anonymous

what do you call a retard smoking weed? a baked potato

Stupid jokes

Anonymous

He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.”

Kind

Anonymous

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke? Yours.

Dad

Heisenberg

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death so we smoked his ashes.

High

Ya Boi Skinny P....

When midgets smoke weed do they get high or do they get medium

Burning

Varg VIkernes

what do you call a burning church?

Holy Smokes

Difference

Anonymous

What is the difference between cremation and smoking? while you are smoking you don’t go up in smoke

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