Smoking jokes
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
How is smoking similar to oral sex?
The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
What do u call a person called zaid? Zait and za3tar. lol
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
Cremation,
The last chance for a smoking hot body.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.