Nut jokes
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
I bought a guh on the weekend.
(what's a guh?)
GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."