Nut jokes
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.
What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.
What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.