Wind

Anonymous

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

Head

jed beese

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

Difference

Wickywa

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)

Bar

Zane

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.

Night

Anonymous

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? – He nuts and bolts.

Puns

Anonymous

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke? He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Chase

Anonymous

What did the nut chasing the other nut say? Imma cashew

Kid

Anonymous

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Face

Carlos Lopez

Do you know Imagine Dragons Yeah Imagine Dragon my nuts across your face

Sadness

Instagram @yfn_unkn0wn

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

Wall

Anonymous

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

Bar

5

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts!”

Squirrel

Anonymous

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

There are nuts in your poop. I found them.

:(

Doctor

Troy Adams

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

Puns

Judah Nowlan

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree? You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

Bust

REGGIE

What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?..a busted nut.

Stop

Anonymous

What did the wire say to the electrician Stop twisting my nuts

Yo mama

Anonymous

deez nuts!!!

Difference

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

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