The 300+ Best Nut Jokes

A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It's driving me nuts.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?....a busted nut.

Why did the squirrel do the backstroke? He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave...

have you heard of the.. uh Pokemon called uh rhy.. rhy

rhydon deez nuts

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well beer nuts are 49 cents but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer you won’t understand it.)

Do you know Imagine Dragons Yeah Imagine Dragon my nuts across your face

What did the nut chasing the other nut say? Imma cashew

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

ok this isnt a joke but its funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, its not what you think, its a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.