Nut

Nut Jokes

Penis

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

Pirate

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.

The bartender asks him why.

And the pirate says:

"Argh, It's driving me nuts."

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  • Blow job

    What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

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  • Robot

    What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

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  • Uncle

    In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...

    Pokemon

    Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

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  • Dragon

    Do you know Imagine Dragons?

    Yeah.

    Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.

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  • Rose

    ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

    Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

    Get your mind out of the gutter.

    Cent

    What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

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  • Guy

    What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

    Doctor

    I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

    Chest

    What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.

    What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.

    What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.

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