Asthma jokes

Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Tired kid with asthma: "It's hard to breathe."

Gym Teacher: "That's alright."

Other Kid: "Hush!"

What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?

An arti-“choke”!

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

What did the lungs say to the cigar?

"You take my breath away..."