Health jokes

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny

Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

...Because there's always a cast!

"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."

Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?

Because he was a family doctor!

How to get rid of non-vaccinators: call water a "dehydration vaccine."

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

I go to Venice to get a bigger penis.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.