Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
Health Jokes
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Why do Fortnite players have such good teeth?
Because they like to floss.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
What do you call a cowboy with Down syndrome? A whipped potato.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
Imagine if Joe Biden was elected for a second term.
He would be the first president to be assassinated by a slick bathtub.
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
Yo mama's so fat, I run around her for exercise.
