Hide

Anonymous

Ever heard of the show naked and afraid? thats what i call hide and seek with my uncle.

Confusion

Daniel King

Why was the ant 🐜 so confused?

All of its uncles were ants.

Sound

Väcüüm Cłëæner

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

Girlfriend

Anonymous

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

Sister

Anonymous

So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.

Nose

Anonymous

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me

let go of my nose

Parent

clarityrulz

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

Hook

oopoooppoop

i hooked up with the groom at my uncle’s wedding

Dad

Anonymous

When Bubba’s condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Little Johnny

Ethan McGuire

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

Name

jimmidy cricket

one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!”

long pause

"Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?”

“Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…”

then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”

Deep

Anonymous

Is it just me or when you wipe your ass to deep it reminds you of your uncle. Just me??

Animal

@Not_Lance

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse.

Dad

Anonymous

mom said dad had the best pullout game… now im an uncle

Kid

dankmemester

watching 50 shades of grey was more painful then my uncle fisting me as a kid.

Finger

Anonymous

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes

Die

big dog

my departed uncle was a circus clown before he died

so all his friends came in one car

Last Word

BRADY

I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

Girlfriend

Anonymous

my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I fuck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

Die

Anonymous

My uncle died on nine eleven… he was the best piolot in iraq

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