Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils

So… err actually know don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies but I had to abort.

What do you call a group of transgender women? ExMen

Heard about the new event in Africa? Called hunger games

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide actually does something when triggered.

What was the last thing to go through princess Diana’s head before she died? The steering wheel

Why did princess diana cross the road? She wasn’t wearing a seat belt

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don’t care if she has one

What’s yellow and can’t swim? Bus full of children

On my tinder profile I said “I prefer quality over quantity”. I just thought it sounded nicer than saying “no fat birds”

How many people can you fit in a car? 6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front and my nan in the ash tray.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her? They’re both thinking oh shit my mums gonna kill me!

My wife said to me you really have no sense of direction do you? I said where the fuck did that come from?!

A blind man walked into a fish market and said… hello ladies.