Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Clem7
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?
The steering wheel.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"