Health jokes
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
How do you poop?
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says: "I'll have some H2O."
The second one says: "I'll have some H2O, too." And then he died.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.