Health jokes
Yo mama so fat she can't walk for five seconds without sweating, causing a tsunami!
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
Memes
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
What kind of jokes doesn’t work out?
Fat people jokes.
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A.
A who?
A-bless you!
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
I've been going to the dentist for a while now, I know the drill.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle, except Cancer.
What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?
They both hang by something.