I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Health Jokes
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
Yesterday I was in a wind storm.
Today my ears hurt. I guess the wind was ear-itating.
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
My bum hurts.
You’re so fat; if you go outside now, you’d be arrested for breaking social distancing guidelines.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
