Orgasm Jokes

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?" Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father..."

Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.

The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.

Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.

After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."

Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.

Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"

Official orgasm donor

orgasm means 2 things: 1, during you masturbate. 2. you torture phantoms

A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers and orgasms. Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock

What do orgasms and impulses have in common? I don’t care if they have either of them

There’s no I in sex but there’s a U in cum

I’ll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man. and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can I’ll pat you, and prick you , and mark you with my "D" And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?". The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy", it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster", it'll go faster, "harder", it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.

After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hostpital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., awh awh awh"

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.

Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First

Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes

Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player

Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze

Oh God By Dixie Rect

Please Dont Stop By Craven Moorehead

Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous

Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang

How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus

Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry

The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers

why do orphans enjoy orgasms

Did you ever received a anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have a orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover so one of her friends asks when was the last time you had an orgasm? she replies 3 days ago dad comes bursting in i KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man. and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can I'll pat you, and prick you , and mark you with my "D" And then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!