I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

So I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, “Can I touch it?”. The little boy looks back at her and says, “Hell no, you already broke yours off!”.

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls. – I was in the women’s bathroom.

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

A boy walks up to a girl and says " i would tell you a joke about my dick but it’s too long" then the girl say’s " yeah, i would tell you a joke about my pussy but you’ll never get it."

Girls are like math if there under ten then you use your fingers

a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that’s my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask’s whats that,the little girl says "that’s my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask’s the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try’s putting his little red race car in her garage but it won’t fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see’s blood on the floor the mother ask’s "what happened the little girl say’s “we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit so i cut the back wheels off”

Yo mama’s so old when she was a girl rainbows were black and white

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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