Masturbation

Masturbation Jokes

Addiction

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Guy

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

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  • Carrot

    So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"

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  • Memes

    Room

    I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

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  • T Rex

    Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

    Pedophile

    I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

    I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

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  • Shower

    What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

    You got off clean.

    Way

    What's a good way to masturbate?

    Get somebody to do it for you.

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  • Boy

    Boy goes to Confession.

    Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

    Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

    Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

    Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

    Gun

    What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

    Egg

    What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

    You can beat an egg.

    Doctor

    My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

    Blm

    🤔 What does BLM stand for? Blacks Love Masturbation 💘 💘 💘 💘 ☺ 😀 👍 👍

    Anatomy

    What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?

    His ears.

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  • Religion

    My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

    "Islam it is."