If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.

I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

Boy goes to Confession Boy " What are you doing father" Priest “Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it" Boy " Why do you say that father" Priest " Cause my hand is getting tired”

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? A: So she can moan with the other.

A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while I masturbate…

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

What’s the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. – They all looked shocked when I didn’t stop.

What do lezbians do when they have a problem, they finger it out.

My Sex Life

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”

What’s a good way to masturbate???

Get somebody to do it for u

why was the T-rex so angry?You would be angry too,if you’re arms were to short to masterbaute.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower? You got off clean

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating

q:what did the sign say on the whore house a:beat it where closed

Let’s get this right. What’s the difference between an egg and a wank. You can beat an egg but you can’t beat…