Give jokes

What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?

"Can you give me some pointers?"

Do you have a halo?

'Cause I can give it to you.

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.

Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.

And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...