Give jokes
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
Like this,
it will give you good luck. See for yourself!
What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?
Chlamydia.
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
I'll give you an A because you're awesome.
B because you're beautiful.
A C because you're caring.
And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.