Blonde Jokes

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?

Artificial Intelligence.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.

that one basic white bitch in school

The image shows a young, blonde woman wearing a yellow sweater, jean shorts, and pink sandals. She is holding a large, colorful drink with a straw. She stands outside on a stone path, with grass and small trees and bushes behind her. The text above the picture reads: "There's 50 of these basic white girls at school. Visual example below. And the other day I heard one of them say to another: 'Oh My GoSh, Ya, YoU do lOOk mExIcAn' keep in mind they are the most basic, white, blonde, girls you have ever seen. I almost started laughing."

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

What's the difference between a smart blonde and a dinosaur?

The dinosaur once existed.

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.

Why can't a blonde call 911?

She can't find the 11.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?

Two, one for her and one for the baby.

What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common? Everyone gets a turn ;)

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."