Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.
The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
