Offer jokes

“Wanna smoke, kids?” is an offer to do drugs.

“Wanna smoke kids?” is an offer to kill.

Imogen Savage will send you nudes. @imogensav is her Snap.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

What did the hairdresser say to the power line?

"Want a power cut?"

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

A lovely and clean kebab restaurant with the option to sit at the bar, sit outside, or eat in.

Besides kebabs, they also offer other typical dishes, such as cholodki. They also have a selection of different pizzas. The photo shows various kebab dishes with potatoes, rice, and salad. This time, the rice is mixed with oats. Enjoy! The other two kebabs are also delicious, but I didn't try them. As always, I was treated very kindly, and the service and quality ensured that they were always happy to help.

As a foodie, I have to say that this is the best kebab restaurant. Next time, I'll try the pizza and come back again.

You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?

The Demon at least has a trade offer.

Friend: Why did you touch me?

Me: That guy in the corner with no hair, glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

You want a pizza from me!!!!

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

Please no harsh comments toward each other.

Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?

Hello Watersharky, I am Koge.

I see your songs and want to be your agent. Please write back about this offer. Thank you.