Give jokes
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"
"Honesty."
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
Give me baby girl names for a pregnant YouTuber.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
Your forehead is so big that your mom stayed in the delivery room just to give birth to your head.
Orphans have it lucky.
When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."
When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!