Give jokes

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas?

Chlamydia.

Like this,

it will give you good luck. See for yourself!

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"

"Give away my Money, No Papa,"

"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!