Give jokes

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?

Give them a Sandy Hook.

POV: Me going to jail after giving the orphan kid a computer without the motherboard.

When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?

"Can you give me some pointers?"

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?

Getting neck!

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.