Give jokes

They shouldn't have released the final seconds of the N722BD crash audio, it was like giving free porn to rapists.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

If you are a female pedo, I am looking for you.

And if you want, I'll give you my wand.

What do you call a stupid bear?

The bear that's gonna give this an explanation, and he's dumb.

I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.

Someone who spends three days in Jara Hotel is as calm as an empty apartment. But I think it hurts. The room is not good. The bathroom is very safe. It might be fun for hours, but it's still good. The bathroom is a child's room, so it is impossible to convert it into a child's room.

The booth I bought was great and perfect for the Weimar location. I really like this breakfast, it doesn't seem too rich or complicated. To be clear, but the first day is different kind of bread I give at a small but beautiful point.

I was also overprotected, this is true, as I had seen other visitors on the day of arrival. Service wars are always big. Greetings from RL-Pfalz. Small hotels are difficult.

All these bows and arrows and I'd still give more of Jeremy Renner's work a shot.

How do you keep a blind person entertained? Give them a piece of sandpaper and tell them it’s a word.

Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.

Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.

And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.

POV: You go to your nail artist for pink nails, but she gives you stupidness. 😂😂😂

Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?

Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.

What’s another name for a woman giving birth?

Unloading the dishwasher.

Today is Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

Unfortunately, they're still not giving lessons on how to beat an annoying Alzheimer's patient without leaving a mark.

"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.

"I thought you quit," replied the guard.

"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."

What is the definition of kinky according to a Canadian?

Giving a blowjob to a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise.

A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"

The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"

The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"

The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"

The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.

As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"

I have a crush on a girl and both her parents are millionaires.

I guess that gives the term "Eat the rich" a whole new meaning.

I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.

Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.

Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.

So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.

Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

"I'd love to give everyone another shot."

Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.