Give Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

What did the cell phone say to his wife? i will give you a ring

Bank owner:if you want to start a bank account, I need ur name. Guy:Robin Bank owner: ur last name? Guy:Debank Bank owner: Robin Debank? Guy: put your hands up and give me all the money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Me walk into the nail salon* Hi I'm here for my 3:45 appointment *nail tech* ok sweety come and sit down *Me sits down in the chair* *nail tech* you want long nail short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. ok. *gives me short nail* bro I asked for long nail. But you said bf but u look lesbian* walks out without paying* *nail tech gives money to a customer* there u win. *customer* I told u she would

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills and a cop pulls up and he says “ma’am ma’am your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills” then she says “Oh thank you I wonder how long that’s been going on” and the cop says “ before I help you may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bill” and the Lady says “OK I’ll tell you so I live next to a stadium and I have this beautiful rose garden but he’s dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes so they stick their junk through the fence and I grabbed your junk I said $100 dollars or its coming off” the cop says “oh OK well what’s the other bag for” and she says well not all of them want to give me $100.

I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish?

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch? He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're all shellfish.

Q: What kinda bees give milk? A: Boobees

why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? she didn't want to give him kids

Why should you never tell your french doctor that you bite your tongue? because your french doctor will give you a tetanus shot

So there is this button there's a 50% chance you get a million dollars there's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle make them press the button and if they give the money you just push the orphan over take their money and run away because who they going to tell their parents.