Luck Jokes

Like this post to give someone you hate bad luck.

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.

The number 13? Not on my watch!

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity.

I now have $999,999.75.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

Why did the man say chickens were lucky?

Because they get killed and eaten.

I don't have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

Hey guys, wish me luck on my game Al-Nassr vs. Raed Al-Raed. I have 604 million followers on Instagram, but we are not gonna be able to beat that. Can we get to 69 followers, please and thankyou?

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

Comment and join Dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!