A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “Ive kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

I don’t have luck with other angels.

So I just WING IT!

When Chuck Norris breaks a mirror, the mirror gets seven years of bad luck.

Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year. Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, i give you bad luck for 7 years. Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.

Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week… Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other.

You got a black cat. He was bad luck. Everyone left you and you comited suicide. What a CATastrophe.

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, “there is a zebra crossing up the road”, he said, “I hope he is having better luck than I am”.

You guys asked for a joke? Well you’re in luck, cause you already are one!

I was out ice fishing, and had no nibbles all morning. About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg.” I said “Excuse,me, I didn’t get that?” so he mumbles even louder, “Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!” I shook my head and said “I’m sorry, but I still didn’t understand what you said.” Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!”

I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!

What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable ?

Hmm let’s see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck maybe he will meet a super unicorn and helps him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D