Potato jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
Potatoes
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
People are like potatoes.
We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?
He wanted to mash potatoes!
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
What’s 23 times 2?
A potato.