Potato Jokes


What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

Daniel King

Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?

He wanted to mash potatoes!

in Cannibal

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

in Adult

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, “mark, what would you like to eat?” Mark said, “I’d like some fucking potato’s.” SMACK! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, “what would you like to eat?” “Well, I’d like some fucking potatos” said suzie SMAACK! she slapped suzie. “Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?” Well… I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.

in Gun

“Sanderson, fire a warning shot.”

“Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher.”

“Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger.”


If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die. But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I wont die because the potato is already dead and cant attack my immune system.

in Blonde

A blonde, burnette and a red-head are running from the police. They come across an old shack, with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the burnette in it. She goes, “Mew, mew.” The police say, “Oh, it’s just a bag of kittens.” Then they kick the one with the red-head. “Woof, woof.” They think, “Oh, it’s just a bag of puppies.” Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, “POtaTOES!!” And gets arrested.

in Annoying

Q:what do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch {somewhere}

A: a couch potato HaHaHa

in America

Commander: "Fire a warning shot" Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher" Commander: "potato, potato, just fire" Soldier: fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school Commander: “They’re trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!”

in Cannibal

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can’t stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".

FoxTyper on Nitro Type

Dont worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head


what do you call a retard smoking weed? a baked potato

in French

English: It’s the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre.Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée !”

Daniel King
in French

What do you call a baby potato 🥔?

Small Fry!


A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock

kitty cat 34
in Best

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told by to hurry ?

I yamm


why do potatoes make good detectives because tey keep there eyes peeled

What has eyes but can’t see?

Potatoes, storms and needles.




A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”