Potato

Potato Jokes

Boy

Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?

He wanted to mash potatoes!

Baby

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

Dinner

Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."

Blonde

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

People

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Grenade launcher

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

Immune System

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

Cannibal

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

Grenade launcher

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

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  • Story

    English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

    French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

    Potato Chip

    Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?

    A: A couch potato. HaHaHa

    French

    A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.

    It was because he didn't speak French.

    Orphan

    There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

    Life

    Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

    Rose

    Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

    The United States prison system is legalized slavery.