Dad jokes

What is an orphan's dad's job?

A magician because he makes himself disappear.

My dad went to go get milk.

He probably picks hair off his dad’s dick, then probably puts it in his hair.

When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"

Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

Your eyebrows run away like your dad.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.

Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?

A: To find his dad.

This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.