Noose jokes
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?
The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?
They both leave you hanging.
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.
A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.
*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"
*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*