Noose Jokes

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.

The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"

He grabs a noose.

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

What's a similarity between a cliff hanger and nooses?

They both leave you hanging.

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*